Complicated Currents
by NightOwlHoot
Summary: Another Ryan and Annie Fanfic. I will finish the others and add more in 2018. That's my New Year's Resolution! Annie and Ryan's relationship is complicated by a photo of Annie being taken with Ryan at a closed event. What will Annie do when forced into a decision?
1. Chapter 1

"We discovered a problem," said Holman entering Joan's office with Eric.

"What?" said Joan not looking up from her daily briefs.

"Looks like a photo of Annie and Ryan McQuaid taken at Arthur's fundraiser is set to be published in a spread for the Washingtonian."

Joan took off her glasses and looked up. "Well, what's your plan for keeping the photos from going to press?"

"Eric and I are on it ma'am. We're going to wipe out the photo drives belonging to the photographer and hack into the paper's computers."

"Was Annie named in the tag line?"

"No, but Ryan McQuaid was named. It's only a side profile of Annie."

"Regardless someone could recognize her and you know what that means."

"We collected all devices at check-in, how were those photos taken and by whom?"

"We don't know how yet, but we do have an idea of who," said Holman.

"We're in a tight spot with the press these days, they want in on these types of events."

"We need to get ahead of these types of situations and prevent the photos from being taken to begin with."

As Joan listens to Eric continue on about the intel they had on the reporter in question, she picked up her phone to dial Annie.

/

Annie was back in her apartment and picked up her phone.

"Did you run through the translated intel already?" said Annie without skipping a beat. The intel had been on her mind.

"Going through it now, but Annie, we have a different sort of problem."

"What is it?" asked a concerned Annie.

"You were photographed at Arthur's fundraiser."

"Shit."

"It was a private and closed event."

"It was. We're working on finding out who screwed up and let a camera get past our security protocols, but this is potentially going to jeopardize approval of your close and continuing."

"I understand."

Joan was always to the point. She was like that as an operative, cut to the chase, no bullshit and it served her well in a man's world. But it was hard for her to deliver this blow to Annie.

Ryan was good for her and she was good for him. They were happy and complimented each other well. Joan witnessed how he centered her in a way that even surpassed Auggie's influence on Annie as her handler. The couple had spent a fair amount of time in the recent months with her and Arthur.

"We're taking care of it, but we may not always be able to catch these instances. With the world the way it is today, all it takes is one post and one person to see it to put all your missions and your life in jeopardy."

"We'll be more careful," said Annie.

"It's not you I'm worried about, it's anyone with an iPhone or Samsung or whatever, these devices have helped our work, but also makes it more challenging."

"I'm sorry to I have to say this, but you need to stop going out in public with Ryan or stop working in the covert side of things."

Annie let Joan's directive sink in. The gravity of the situation hit her. Joan only heard breathing.

"Annie, there are many options for you, with your work at the agency and your skill set, you can go far here and I will always have your back."

"I know that, but this isn't what I pictured, at least not just yet," said Annie.

"Sometimes things happen for a reason and you need to see where the current takes you," said Joan.

Joan's words reminded Annie of Eyal. He once said that was his approach to life. . .

"Joan, please don't share this with Ryan," asked Annie.

"Annie, for what it's worth, remember what you do is a job. Jobs come and go, but relationships are what binds us and gives us purpose and fulfillment. He's going to find out sooner or later and I vote for sooner."

"Thanks Joan, I appreciate you saying that, I just need some time to digest the info and make a decision," said Annie.

"My advice is to talk to him."

"See you in the office," said Annie.

Annie ended the call and tossed her phone on her bed with a grunt of frustration.

Ryan walked in from the bathroom and sensed Annie was burdened after the call.

"Everything okay?" mumbled Ryan.

"Yeah. Everything's fine," said Annie every so slightly raising the pitch of the end of her sentence. She did rarely did that with him these days. It was a "tell" of hers he had discovered when he worked with her early on.

"You don't sound very convincing." He knew her well enough to not push too hard.

She went to her dresser and picked out a pair of cropped leggings and an exercise bra. She pulled a tank top over it and packed her work clothes in her gym bag.

"All good. I'm going to get in a quick run before work, what about you?" asked Annie changing the subject.

"I've got a couple of meetings at the Pentagon and then one over at Langley. We could meet for lunch before I head back to my office," replied Ryan as he rose from bed and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and shave.

Annie smiled.

"Thanks, but I need to pass on lunch," Annie called from the bedroom where she began packing a few items in her small roller suitcase.

"After work then, my place this time?"

"Uh, no, actually I'm flying out tonight on a red-eye."

Ryan popped out from the bedroom with his toothbrush and mouthful of toothpaste and head full of places a red-eye flight could be taking her. "What? And you're just now telling me?"

Annie looked at Ryan, "Last minute travel is part of the job, you know that. I don't know every detail of your schedule."

Ryan headed into the bathroom where he spit out the toothpaste and rinsed out his mouth. Annie continued to pack.

"Uh, what's going on?" asked Ryan when he reemerged from the bathroom.

"Nothing." Ryan was smart enough to know it was more than nothing.

"You get a phone call from Joan and suddenly you're …"

"I'm what?"

Things had been smooth since their return from Argentina, she was happy so he thought and he was definitely happy. They moved in together and the last two months were terrific.

"Aloof, distant, secretive."

Annie sat on the bed. His observations stung even though they were true. "Come on Ryan, I'm not used to someone who wants to know all there is to know about me and an accounting of my schedule," said Annie.

Ryan sat down next to her.

"Well you better get used to it because I'm sticking around," said Ryan putting his arm around her. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder.

Ryan didn't expect her to say more. That was all he needed.

"How long will you be gone?"

"Two, maybe three nights tops."

"What about your, you know. . ." she knew he was referring to her heart condition. She was on new medications that appeared to be helping and was due to have a monitoring session to see if there was improvement in the next week.

"It's just a surveillance op."

"We all know how these things can go, who is going with you?"

"Solo and I'll be fine," she said before she lifted her head off his shoulders and turned to kiss him. He kissed her back and they fell back into bed.

It was going to be the first time she left on a solo mission since they returned. From the time he recovered from his gunshot wounds, they worked closely together and he knew her every move. He enjoyed being in the field with her even though she could be unpredictable. Ryan couldn't help but worry about her.

"I have a pre-op meeting," said Annie getting up from under Ryan. She kissed him before he could protest more and left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: Please let me know what you think. Trying to picture and add dimension to Ryan's character.**

 **Chapter 2**

Three days later …

Ryan's phone vibrated numerous times while he sat in a meeting at the DIA to review current contracts. The calls were the usual array of calls that demanded a CEO's attention during the course of a business day, but in the jumble of work related calls was a message from Annie. He hadn't heard from her since she left and he was close to heading to Langley to get details on her mission. Relief at hearing her voice turned to disappointment when he heard her say she'd see him after work tomorrow. . .

"Mack, change in destination. Take me to this address," he ordered. Mack nodded, "Yes, sir." He punched in the address.

"We'll be there in about 20 minutes."

Annie said she'd be gone two to three days and he had woken earlier that day from a fitful third night without her. He needed to see her, he wanted to feel her warmth and softness next to him and smell her clean hair and neck. He chided himself for getting so accustomed to sleeping next to her after such a short time, but it was undeniable. She was everything that embodied _magic_ to him, like the intricate design on snowflakes, showers and sun making rainbows, the strength and cleverness of spider webs, and delicate and soft feathers that allowed birds to fly. Pure _magic and all things magical_ is what he felt from the moment he met her. That idea that there was something enchanting about her was just a fleeting undercurrent when they first met, but it was there and enough to make him flirt. She didn't know that it had been ages since he made the effort and flirted with anyone.

When Ryan entered the car waiting for him, he checked his phone while getting on his lap top to read his emails. He started using a driver on days like these so he could work while on the road. As a collector and purveyor of new tech and gadgets he was waitlisted for a driverless car. . .it was the future as was cybersecurity, another arm to his company that he was slowly developing and building in the hopes of getting less entrenched in the human manpower needed to run a successful private security firm. There would always be men willing to exit the military for the private sector, but he was growing tired of sending men into war torn zones where there was no clear agenda.

Ryan had been slowly building this part of his business for a couple of years, but recently he devoted more time and energy to it after his recent troubles with Caitlyn Cook, Borz Altan and Aleksandre Belenko. As much as he enjoyed the adrenalin rush and thrill of his black ops shadow government contracts, he was increasingly disenchanted and disappointed by the new administration. More and more signs pointed him towards scaling back the armed combat and security services portion of his large private security firm. There were new fields within the field to explore and he was working on the bigger picture and his vision for the impact his company could make in the safety of Americans, but not necessarily through arms.

Developing a cybersecurity and cyberintelligence business was how he saw the second half of his career post-NAVY SEAL days. He supposed it was really a third career. It would be his legacy and would allow him a somewhat slower and safer pace. Truthfully the gunshot wound and the recent events took a toll on him physically, mentally and emotionally. There was a part of him that was ready to sit out for a bit and enjoy life. He was already over 40 and it was time to enjoy what he built for more longer than a weekend and Annie was a big part of his plans for enjoying that life. . Annie did not know his plans yet, he wanted to tell her when everything was hammered out and somehow he knew deep down that she wasn't quite so ready to hang up her hat and live a simpler life despite her health or everything she had gone through. Most of her past he only imagined since she was not very forth coming about her life.

He worked on messages and returned the bulk of his calls during the ride over to Annie's place. The rush hour traffic provided him enough time to get through most of his emails and review all but two contracts. In her message, she said she wanted to hit the hay, but he hadn't seen her in _too long_ for him so he didn't want to wait any longer. She said she was going to stay at her place that evening, but there was something off in her voice, he replayed the message twice before giving Mack her address. A few blocks before reaching her apartment he had Mack pull into a parking lot to pick up some groceries. He bought a kale and quinoa salad, a rotisserie chicken, assorted berries, a bottle of pinot grigio, a loaf of French bread, two pints of ice cream and a bouquet of flowers. He figured she had to eat dinner.

/

Annie was out of view behind the bathroom door when she heard the noise of the keys entering her lock. She readied her firearm and remained out of view, old habits, they truly die hard. When the door opened and she heard the keys hit the bowl by her front door and the sound of a grocery bags. It was him. She knew it wasn't an intruder. She secured her gun and scrambled to finish what she was doing in the bathroom.

"Walker?!"

Annie took the backing off the first pain relief patch and applied it to her left shoulder blade.

Ryan appeared in the doorframe to the bathroom and saw the visible bruises on her upper arms and back. He clenched his jaw briefly, catching himself from reacting because he knew how she hated someone doting over her.

"Is that why you were avoiding me?" he asked lightly, yet still unable to mask the concern in his voice. She heard it.

She paused with a guilty smile and looked at his reflection in the mirror. It wasn't her injuries that made her distance herself, she wouldn't even call it that. Sometimes she just felt like she needed space. . . even if she were to remain with him, there were times she wanted to retreat to her thoughts, her private longings for her family, and her painful regrets. He was light to her. The light that shined towards some place different than where she had been the last couple of years, but she found herself drawn back into her comfortable and shadowy corner.

"I'm not avoiding you," said Annie.

"Here let me help you," said Ryan taking the patch she was about to apply from her. "I've used these too, they actually work."

She didn't reply, but bit her lip as he applied the patch to her lower back. He ran his fingers along another spot, it was tender, but she avoided showing any pain.

"You have another one?"

Annie took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, here."

He took it from her and applied it as gently as he could.

When he was done she turned to face him in just her bra and pajama pants with her damp hair swept up in her towel. She smelled the way he remembered though she had been gone three days. It came back and he breathed her scent in deeply.

"Thanks," she whispered while looking down at first before she lifted her head and her eyes met his.

He gave her a kiss on her forehead and said ever so softly, "Anytime," while he reached over her and opened the medicine cabinet to look for ibuprofen. He found it and opened the bottle. He shook out three caplets while Annie reached for her cotton scoopneck pajama. She struggled to pull it over her head. Ryan helped her put the shirt on without being asked.

"I'll get you some water for these and bring you a plate of food, why don't you lie down" said Ryan handing her the pills with a smile.

Ryan headed to the kitchen where he plated the food and poured a glass of water. He put the kettle on as he noticed she drank hot tea every night, sometimes three mugs of it before she hit the hay. The time spent in the kitchen gave allowed him to chill out, a moment where he didn't see her battered body. He knew she had been on a mission, she said it was a simple surveillance operation. He worked through it trying not to worry and biting his tongue to keep himself from asking the barrage of questions he had.

This was Annie he told himself, this was her line of work, his too though he was trying to get away from it. She seemed to always land on two feet. He had to accept that sometimes she'd return with a scrape or two, but he had been around long enough to know that in this business, it was only a matter of time before she would get seriously hurt. It was a gamble, a game of Russian roulette. With each mission and trip away, he felt her luck would dwindle, but he knew he had to mask his worry. Her job meant a lot to her and he wanted to support her despite the knots it put in his stomach.

When he came back with the glass of water and plate of the food he brought, she wasn't lying down. Annie always kept busy, she didn't really know how to relax and sit still unless she was on a beach somewhere. He found her unpacking and sorting her laundry. Then he watched her put her documents away in her safe. He handed her the glass and watched her take the painkillers.

"So, what happened on this surveillance mission or you can't say?"

"A hairy and stinky 200 pound thug, but you should see him. I think I broke his nose."

"That's my girl," said Ryan stroking her cheek with his right hand.

There was a pause between them.

"You know you don't need to hide injuries from me. I know what it is you do for work. I trust you and I'll pray to God every time you're away that you come back in one piece."

Annie looked at him and smiled with appreciation.

"I don't want us to start hiding things from each other because we don't want the other party to worry or be scared, that's not what being in a relationship is about," continued Ryan.

She didn't say anything. Most of the time he felt she didn't give up any information about herself or her feelings, he had no idea what she was really thinking, but he wanted to.

"That looks delicious, I'm starving," said Annie taking the plate from Ryan and kissing him on the cheek. She headed for her kitchen counter with the plate. "Thank you, my fridge is empty except for some moldy cheese and past their prime produce. Come eat with me."

And there it was. She changed the subject with ease.

"I can have Costa order you basics, but you know my place is always fully stocked," said Ryan grabbing his plate and joining Annie at the table where she landed. "I'm fine, I can get my own groceries," replied Annie.

"I know this is new for the both of us, I'm just trying to be open and honest."

Somehow the physical pain and Ryan's mere presence made her emotions less controlled. Tears filled her pretty eyes as she sat in silence and tried to chew, she wasn't sure what was coming over her. She turned away and closed her eyes while wiping them away. She debated how much to tell him.

Ryan stopped.

Confused, Ryan took her hand and brought it to his lips. He wasn't sure what came over her and it made him ache to see her like this. Questions and scenarios popped into his head only because he was in this line of work too and tried to imagine what happened on her mission.

"I'm a big boy, so. . .you can tell me what happened on your op."

There was no better way than to simply spit it out.

"It's not about the op. . .that part of my life has always been pretty easy," said Annie with a laugh. "It's this that's hard."

"What's so hard about this?" asked Ryan, trying to understand. "Having dinner after work is what couples do, they ask each other about their respective days, tidy up and maybe go for a walk or watch a show together, that's all normal and everyday no?"

Annie shook her head and gave a half hearted smile, "I'm not in the mood to talk much tonight Ryan, that's why I said I'd see you tomorrow," said Annie.

"Okay, I respect that," said Ryan knowing not to push her in that moment. Something happened while she was away or was it already in the air before she left? Instead of probing more, he told her about his day as they ate the rest of their impromptu dinner. Ryan gave Annie some local and national news she missed during her jaunt overseas as well and then he cleared the dishes and sent Annie to bed. "Really, go lie down and try to sleep," said Ryan while rolling up his sleeves.

"You can leave those, I'll get to it tomorrow," said Annie.

"I'm quick, don't worry," said Ryan getting started on the dishes.

"Thank you for coming by," said Annie.

"Wait, when I'm done, I'm crawling in next to you, you can't get rid of me that easily Annie Walker. I won't bug you with more questions about what's gotten you down, but I'm staying," said Ryan firmly and with his signature boy scout smile.

"You've noticed yourself, I'm not great company Ryan," said Annie.

"I don't expect you to be post-mission, you need to decompress, I get it, I've been there," said Ryan. "Help a guy out, I need a good night's sleep too and I can get one next to you," said Ryan.

His sentiment hurt her like a dagger, it ached her so badly. She couldn't keep this man there knowing that she was not as devoted as he was to the idea of "them", the hope of a future that Annie didn't see was in him and she couldn't keep things from him any longer.

Frustrated, Annie blurted out, "My request for a close and continuing with you hasn't been approved fully, there are contingencies, and you being here now, it's not helping matters," said Annie. She turned around to wipe her tears. It felt like she'd been there before. The same feelings surfaced, doomed, all her relationships were doomed before they really got anywhere. Her last revelation left him speechless.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I don't own these characters, all thanks to CA writers/producers. Of course, Eyal makes his appearance. Really enjoy his character and how he was written on the show as well as the special banter he had with Annie. Let me know what you think. Enjoy and thanks for reading. Keeps me motivated to write.**

Ryan had a jumble of reactions after hearing Annie's confession. His first thought was: the damned CIA! The notion of mandatory "Close and Continuing" contact updates was a joke to him, while he understood the need to keep tabs on agents and their relationships and connections, he resented it and didn't believe it worked as a preventative measure. From Ryan's perspective it was as if the CIA didn't trust the people they supposedly vetted.

Ryan figured Annie kept the news of her close and continuing to herself for the last few days. In light of that, the weight the news made her recent behavior understandable. She pulled back before she left on the recon mission. He wasn't imagining it after all.

"You found out before your left town?" He asked as he dried his hands.

Annie nodded and turned around facing away from him. She didn't want to do this now.

Ryan walked over and stood behind Annie. He wrapped his arms around her with his chest against her back. She winced just a bit.

"Oh sorry," said Ryan. "Let's save this discussion for when you're feeling better, how about we just get some rest?" He could tell she didn't want to talk about it, he knew her well enough now.

Annie nodded and they settled into bed after Ryan took off all his clothes except for his boxers and they both washed up in the small bathroom. It was nice to have him around and it would be nice to feel him next to her. Those were feelings she tried to suppress, telling herself, she had been alone and was used to it. . . but she couldn't deny how comforting it was to have Ryan next to her.

Although Annie was conflicted about her next steps, it didn't mean she didn't love Ryan. The fact that she did love him surprised her. She had fallen for him in such a short time despite her vows to never let herself fall so hard for a man again. After Ben, Simon and then Auggie, she swore off relationships, trying to figure herself out, why was she always falling so fast and hard for the wrong men? What did it say about her that she was so open to these men and so willing to be drawn in by them?

Somehow things with Ryan were different or was she only fooling herself? Was it different enough to give up her life as an operative? Her relationships cost her a lot in the past. Annie wasn't ready to close the door or chapter on her career at the CIA and the hard part was accepting that it meant letting go of Ryan since she couldn't continue to be covert and continue a relationship with him. _Would he understand if she chose to remain covert? Could they move on as friends?_ He had been a good friend to her once they established trust between them.

Ryan listened to her breath before she fell asleep and lay in bed thinking about the future, a dread or bad feeling he couldn't shake lingered. Eventually, he was asleep too. Shortly after midnight Annie woke when the dryness in her throat became too much to bear. She gingerly shimmied herself out of bed to get a glass of water. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the buzzing of her phone. It was an unknown number. She thought about letting it go to voicemail, but something told her to pick up. She saw Ryan stirring, so she quickly took the phone into the bathroom and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Neshema?" It was clearly Eyal Levin. Annie hadn't heard from him since their paths crossed in Turkey a few months ago.

"It's late over here, Eyal," said Annie trying to sound annoyed.

"I know, are you free?" asked Eyal.

"You're here?" asked Annie beginning to run down a list of possible reasons Eyal would be in D.C.

"Yes," said Eyal.

Annie is not allowed contact with foreign agents without clearing it first with the DPD, especially a foreign agent on domestic soil. This wasn't prearranged or sanctioned for an op and she was pretty sure Joan would have said something had she known that Eyal was in town.

Annie thought about all of this for a few seconds before saying, "Where are you?"

By now, Ryan had fully woken up and gotten out of bed when he saw that Annie was no longer next to him. Ryan scratched his head as he walked into the kitchen. He heard a phone vibrating before he got out of bed and hushed voices. He saw the bathroom door closed and light coming from under the door.

"Do you remember that place where we met for the first time in D.C.?"

"Oh, you mean the time you were impersonating a CIA officer?" laughed Annie.

"Ah, so you remember," said Eyal. Annie could hear the smile on his face.

"How could I forget?" said Annie.

"Thirty minutes?" replied Eyal.

"I'll be there," said Annie.

"I'll be waiting," said Eyal.

The phone went dead. It was just like Eyal to keep it short and not be terribly specific over the phone.

A knock came from the other side of her bathroom door. "Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah," said Annie opening the door. "Sorry to wake you," said Annie before closing the door to the bathroom.

"Are you coming back to bed?"

"I'll be out in a few minutes," said Annie.

/

Annie dialed Joan's "after hours" line.

"Joan," said Annie.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, took some painkillers and got in a couple of hours of sleep."

"What's wrong?"

"I just got a call from Eyal Levin," said Annie.

Joan sat up in bed. "What did he want?"

"He's here in D.C. and wants to meet," replied Annie.

"What did you tell him?" asked Joan.

"That I'd be there in half an hour," said Annie.

"You couldn't stall until the morning?" asked Joan.

"I didn't think so," said Annie.

"Okay, where are you meeting?"

"The Gibson, I think he's already there," said Annie.

"I'll make some calls and find out what he's working on and I'll have someone out back and front," said Joan.

"Thanks," said Annie.

"Don't let your guard down just because it's Eyal," warned Joan.

/

Annie looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't look great. The couple of hours of sleep wasn't enough to take away the dark circles under her eyes. Concealer would have to do the trick. Her body still ached as the pain killers wore off. She washed her face quickly, brushed her teeth and applied make-up. She quickly brushed out her hair before twirling it up into a messy bun.

When she opened the door, Ryan looked over sleepily and asked, "What's going on?"

Annie went straight to her closet. "Something came up, I'm sorry," said Annie.

Ryan watched Annie. She was going through all her outfits looking for something sexy yet understated. She undressed by pulling off her t-shirt with a little difficulty. He watched her strap a gun to her thigh before putting on a black bra to match her underwear. She took a bit of timing stretching her arms to get the hooks in the eyes of her bra, but he had to admit watching her turned him on, he started to kiss the back of her neck. "You don't have to put that on for me you know," said Ryan. Annie laughed.

"I wish it were for you, something came up and I need to head out for a bit," said Annie. She slipped herself into a black cocktail dress with a low back. Despite her lack of rest and bruised body, she looked stunning. Ryan watched her struggle with the zipper and helped her with it.

"You're going out now? It's after midnight." He was incredulous.

"You should get back to your home anyway, we're not supposed to be seen together."

"Wait, first, you shouldn't be going anywhere but to bed. And secondly, what do you mean we're not supposed to be seen together?"

"We'll talk about that and everything else, just not now. I don't want to be late," said Annie putting on black heels.

"You need help, you can barely dress yourself!" said Ryan.

"I can handle myself," said Annie popping in a couple of painkillers and checking her phone.

"You're carrying a gun to this meeting? That doesn't make me feel good, let me come with you," said Ryan getting dressed.

Annie shook her head. "This is what I do remember." She looked at her phone. "Looks like my UBER is nearly here," said Annie. Ryan tried to look on her phone. He couldn't see where she was going on the app.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll call you tomorrow, maybe you should just go home," said Annie grabbing a shawl and putting it over her shoulders.

"It is tomorrow, I'll wait here, how long will you be?"

She gave him a crooked smile.

"I don't know. I might need to go straight to Langley, so go home," said Annie kissing Ryan before leaving.

From the window he watched her get into the car.

/

"You're looking well," said Eyal standing up when Annie appeared. He kissed her on both cheeks and looked her over. Annie noticed what he was doing. Then he motioned to the bartender.

"Two sazeracs," said Eyal to the bartender.

"Uh, just one sazerac, I'll take some sparkling water," said Annie to the Bartender.

The two looked at each other and smiled. They waited for the bartender to be out of earshot. They had a unique relationship and banter going between them ever since their first op together.

"You seem surprised that I'm well," said Annie.

"My colleague, Eli, he doesn't look so good," said Eyal raising one eyebrow.

Annie understood now or thought she did, so she said, "Eli? Does he happen to be hairy, 200 pounds, brown hair and with massive B.O?"

"Yeah, that's the idiot whose nose you busted," said Eyal laughing. "So it's not just me who thinks he stinks?"

Annie sat there in disbelief.

"He is with Mossad? Huh!"

Eyal nodded and lifted his glass in confirmation. "Embarrassed to say so, you did good my friend, I was secretly proud when the surveillance at the hotel showed that it was you."

"You wiped the surveillance," said Annie. Mossad beat them to it.

Eyal had a way about him and hearing him say he was proud of her made her feel, well, proud of herself.

"Not bad for a girl with a mitral valve issues, he must be quite ashamed," giggled Annie.

"Oh you know I didn't mention that, I did say you were half his weight," said Eyal.

Annie started thinking. . . her recon and intel collecting mission brought her into contact with Eli. She thought he was a scout working for the suspected terrorist recruitment cell she was gathering intel on.

"How's your man?" asked Eyal changing the subject.

"Excuse me?"

"You were whispering earlier."

"So?"

"Means someone was there with you," concluded Eyal.

Annie stared at him, he looked smug like he had something figured out. When she said nothing because she needed to pause to think, Eyal continued.

"Is it that friend you were worried about when we were in Turkey, the one with the pulmonary embolism?"

Even though Annie knew Eyal was a friend and not someone who would leverage people she cared about against her, goosebumps formed. If Eyal knew that she and Ryan were a couple, it meant anyone who knew what he or she was doing could also come to that conclusion.

It was unusual to share personal information with a spy from a competing agency, but they had both shared more than most in the past. But despite their friendship and history Annie chose to be cautious. She changed the topic and tried to maintain control, an upper hand even though she had no idea what Eyal wanted from her.

"So why are you here?'

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Liar," said Annie.

"You hurt my feelings, you know I care about you," said Eyal reaching over to rub Annie's upper arm. This was classic Eyal, using his charm to disarm her.

"What did Eli find?"

"Nothing, that's why I'm here to ask you to share your intel," said Eyal.

So that was it. . . "You'll have to come to Langley in the morning," said Annie taking a sip of her sparkling water.

"That would take too long and haven't you learned anything from me?" said Eyal.

"What you're asking is above my pay grade to decide and if I just gave up what I found, I'd be out of a job and thrown into jail even if it was for Israel," said Annie getting up.

"What happened to you owing me?" quipped Eyal.

"It's late, I'm going home," she said getting up.

Eyal stopped her and caressed her face. He leaned into her ear. "If you're tired, my apartment is just a block away," he whispered.

"Tempting, but no thank you," said Annie not flinching and turning to look him in the eye. Their faces and lips were within inches of each other. Eyal looked at her and smiled.

"I'll walk you out," said Eyal taking out his wallet to pay for the drinks.

He helped her with her shawl and walked her to the entrance.

After Annie left in an UBER, Eyal made a call.

"I didn't get anything from her," he said.

"I'm disappointed, you've lost your touch with her," said the woman on the other end.

"She's not going to break her agency's rules for me," said Eyal.

"She has in the past. Did you try sleeping with her? She seems to respond to men in that way," said his boss, Rivka Singer.

"That's never happened and never will," said Eyal.

She sighed. "This will just have to take longer than I hoped."

"You're welcome," said Eyal sarcastically.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: This is the end of this fanfic, I'm thinking I might continue it, maybe this would be Episode 1 to Season 6 with more to come. . . I don't know. Just thinking out loud here. Let me know what you think. . .

Complicated Currents. . .

After Annie left Ryan gathered up his things and headed back to his home. There was no telling when Annie would get back and he'd rather be in his own home so that he could easily change into a fresh shirt and suit in the morning before going to his office. While driving home, Ryan was restless, his left leg shaking and his thumbs drumming the steering wheel. He used his voice commands in his car and had his paired device phone Arthur Campbell, now his second in command as the Chief Operating Officer at McQuaid Securities.

Ryan was amazed at the old man's ability to juggle working for him and exploring a bid for the Senate. Secretly Ryan hoped that Arthur would decide against running. He needed someone he trusted and he trusted Arthur. Arthur recently inherited the position Caitlyn Cook vacated and the extra duties kept him busy. Ryan had yet to look for a replacement for Caitlyn. Some part of him couldn't bring himself to interview for the position yet.

Luckily Arthur had already woken up since Joan was up.

"Ryan? What do you need?"

"I hate to ask, but I need to talk to your wife," said Ryan.

"I'll get her on the line," said Arthur.

He mouthed "Ryan McQuaid" to Joan who had put on her robe and was heading to the kitchen for some chamomile tea to help her get back to sleep.

"Hello Ryan," said Joan.

"Sorry to disturb you, but figured Annie was speaking to you just before she left," said Ryan.

"What can I do for you?" asked Joan.

"I wanted to . . . um, I'm not sure how to ask this," said Ryan.

"Is it about the Close and Continuing Annie filed or why she went out after midnight?" asked Joan.

"Well, both," said Ryan.

"Go back to sleep Ryan because it's only in your dreams that I could possibly give you information about either of those topics and what would Annie say if she knew you were asking, this is her job, her livelihood, you're going to need to trust her," said Joan annoyed.

"It's not about trusting her, it's about worrying that she's not going to come back in one piece,'" said Ryan.

"Maybe she's not the right girl for you Ryan, I don't know what else you want me to say," said Joan.

"Thanks Joan," said Ryan.

/

After looking around her apartment, Annie found herself slightly disappointed that it was empty. Ryan left a note:

 _Call me, doesn't matter what time, I want to know you're safe._

 _-R_

/

Annie picked up the phone, but her first call wasn't to Ryan.

The woman on the other line picked up and started in right away, "Take a guess as to who I just finished talking with," said Joan.

"Oh, I have a pretty good idea, Rivka Singer?"

"Bingo," said Joan.

"It's about that intel from my last recon mission," said Annie.

"It is and a proposal for a joint operation," said Joan.

"Figured as much," said Annie.

"I also got a call from Ryan, shortly after we first spoke," said Joan.

"What did he want?" exhaled Annie slightly annoyed that he called her boss.

"He wanted to know where you were going and why on earth I was sending you out when you're injured," said Joan.

"What is he doing?" thought Annie to herself.

"I'll talk to him tomorrow," said Annie exasperated.

"Look Annie, I want you to be happy and I want to give you wiggle room to have a life, but because of Ryan's notoriety, you're putting yourself, him, and our work at risk. I hate to do this to you, but you need to make a choice before I decide how we're to proceed with Rivka's proposal. We have time to read in and debrief another operative to work with Eyal," said Joan.

"I hear you loud and clear, I'll end things with Ryan tomorrow, it won't be necessary to read anyone else in," said Annie.

"You're sure that's what you want?" asked Joan.

"Better sooner than later right? This life is all I know Joan, men come and go, but my work, our work will endure," said Annie. To Joan it sounded like she was trying to convince herself of what she was saying.

"You don't sound very convincing, really think about this Annie, is being an operative for a couple more years worth giving up a relationship that may last a lifetime?" said Joan.

"It's all, I've thought about for the last couple of days, maybe I was too distracted and didn't notice that Mossad was there too," said Annie.

"Okay, it's your call," said Joan.

"It's a blessing in disguise, better now before we fall in too deep and I'm pretty pissed he called you tonight," said Annie.

"Well sounds like you've made up your mind. Our meeting with Rivka is set for tomorrow at 3PM, you don't need to come in until then, get some extra rest and take care of it," said Joan.

Annie undressed. She looked at herself in her bathroom mirror for a moment. She used make up remover wipes to wash her face and crawled back into bed where she picked up her phone from her night stand and texted Ryan:

 _A: I'm home, we need to talk. Lunch tomorrow?_

Ryan texted back almost immediately.

 _R: Sounds good, meet me at my office?_

 _A: Can't, just come to my place._

/

When Ryan arrived at Annie's apartment for lunch she was dressed for work in a black pant suit. He kissed her on the lips and looked her over.

"You all right?" He asked sensing that things were off balance.

Annie nodded. "Much better this morning." But that's not what he was asking even though he did want to know if she was physically okay.

"So what happened last night?"

She gave him a look and he knew she wasn't going to say.

"I wish you hadn't called Joan about it," said Annie.

"I was worried," said Ryan.

"I can handle myself," said Annie.

"I know I've seen you in action," said Ryan.

She smiled, her stomach in knots.

Annie was no cook, Ryan was actually the gourmand in the relationship as she'd enjoyed a many meals he prepared. Before Ryan arrived, Annie made ham and swiss cheese sandwiches and heated up some tomato soup from the local market.

"Have a seat, I have iced tea or sparkling water," said Annie.

"I'll take the water, but why do I feel we need something stronger," joked Ryan sensing that they were about to have a serious conversation.

She smiled. "It's a little early, besides, I have an important meeting in a couple of hours," said Annie.

Annie brought over their drinks and sat down. No one touched the food in front of them.

They both started talking at the same time, Ryan saying, "I'm heading to Panama…"

And Annie saying, "This isn't going to work. . ."

"Sorry, you go first," said Ryan unsure of what he just heard.

"We started to talk about the close and continuing last night, it hasn't been easy, I want you to know that I've struggled with this the last couple of days."

"Wait, we're supposed to talk about this together, but it sounds like you've made up your mind? I'm not even sure what we're talking about, " said Ryan.

"Basically if we continue to see each other, I can't remain covert, the DNI will only accept our relationship if I give up my status in the field," said Annie.

"Annie, they can't tell you who you can" . . . he chose his words carefully. . . she had yet to agree to marry him. . . "spend time with."

"Apparently they can when national security and ongoing operations and assets are in danger."

"What danger? We have done nothing wrong," said Ryan.

"There was a picture of us taken, thank God the CIA caught it in time," said Annie.

"A picture?"

"Yeah, at Arthur's closed door fundraiser, it was set to be published in the next issue of The Washingtonian," said Annie.

"So they took care of it, what's the problem?"

"What about the next time? You're a well -known name in security not only nationally, but internationally, I know you worked hard for your reputation, you must understand that we can't be seen together. It endangers me and my missions," said Annie.

Ryan runs his hand through his hair suddenly feeling bad. "Were you hurt because of me?"

She shook her head. "No, what happened a few days ago had nothing to do with you, but if we're seen together people will start asking questions about who the woman you're with is, what I do, and I don't have an established NOC in D.C."

"Can't the CIA give you one?"

Annie shook her head. "Not one that will keep me out of public view when I'm with you."

"So what do they want you to do?"

"Ryan, this is the hardest part…"

Annie took a deep breath. It was as if he knew from the look on her face, a pit formed in his gut.

"We can't see each other," said Annie as she looked him in the eyes.

"What are you saying? We can't go out in public or be seen at each other's apartments?"

Annie shook her head, "No, we can't see each other, at least not as a couple," said Annie.

Ryan rubbed his tense jawline.

"Even professionally, we need to maintain distance because you're so high profile Ryan," said Annie.

"Maintain distance? What? Things will die down, in another month or so no one will know who I am, they'll move on to something else," said Ryan. "I can't believe the CIA is doing this to you, to us," he continued.

Annie nodded. "We're in many of the same circles now and have a number of connections from the Chicago bombing to working to locate Auggie and then tracking Belenko. We can't afford to be seen together moving forward if I choose to remain a covert operative."

Ryan was feeling hot, a physical reaction. He was growing irritated, but it wasn't her fault. . .

"Annie, let me ask you this, where do you see yourself in five years?"

She shrugged. "I stopped planning my future a long time ago. I live one day at a time and today, I still want to do my job."

"I'll tell you where I've been seeing myself, married to you and with a kid or two, taking them to school, soccer games, family bike rides, going on vacations. . . I've been working on slowing down and growing a division of my company that will take care of itself and I've been doing it for us," said Ryan.

"Well, you don't have to now," said Annie getting up and taking her uneaten plate to the sink. She didn't want him to see her tearing up. He was just in a different stage in life, one she wasn't ready for.

"Don't do this Annie. We're good together, really good. Think about everything we've been through together and the gift we've been given. We've both survived hell and we're here _together for a reason_ , _your life is more than your job_ ," said Ryan.

"That's the thing Ryan, I love my job, I've sacrificed so much for this job, it's all that I've had and I need to keep doing it until I can't anymore," said Annie.

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN UNTIL YOU'RE CRIPPLED OR KILLED? You've come close to dying dozens of times and you already have dozens of scars and a heart condition! Come on Annie! You've been lucky and I'm afraid someday your luck will run out, IS A STAR ON THAT DAMN WALL WORTH IT?" shouted Ryan unable to contain his frustration.

"I know you're upset and I don't expect you to understand," said Annie.

"Then HELP ME understand, tell me something more compelling than you don't have anything to live for other than the agency, think of everything the agency has taken from you!" His feelings were hurt, that she didn't want to live for him, that he wasn't a factor in all of this. And she never meant to hurt him in this way.

"You may not believe it, but this hard for me. I do love you Ryan, it's not about you, please don't think this isn't a heartbreaking choice for me, but I'm just not ready to end my career," said Annie.

"No one is asking you to end your career! I support you fully, but there has to be another option, another solution," pleaded Ryan who was a problem solver by nature.

Annie didn't say anything, she looked up trying to keep her tears in. He saw her wiping her cheek. There was a quiet between them, the only sounds from the street below. He walked over to the sink where she stood and lifted her chin with his hand. "We love each other, ever since we first met we've had this thing between us, we worked well together even when you didn't trust me, sometimes you did crazy shit and sometimes I did, but we made it, _together, we can figure this out."_ Then he took her face in his hands and kissed her. She put her face in his chest as more tears streamed down. This was entirely harder than she ever imagined.

She didn't know how to make him see. Auggie and Eyal they both tried saying the same sort of things to her, but what would make all of them understand her?

Through her tears, sniffles, and choked up voice she said, "Sometimes . . . I feel. . . I don't know, this is going to come out wrong. . . but in order for all the things I've done and all the things I've lost along the way to be worth it, I need to keep doing this job, otherwise it was all for nothing and I can't live with that, I gave up my family, my sister, nieces and parents, choose you and not them, it seems wrong. By choosing the job, I'm choosing them," said Annie.

Ryan thought about what she was saying and tried to understand her, but he fundamentally disagreed with her point of view. "This is insane, it's a vicious cycle Annie, if you keep going on the way you have, you're just going to keep losing things and people, don't you see? The only way to stop the cycle is to walk away while you're still in one piece and with pride in the work you have done," said Ryan.

She wished she could agree with Ryan's logic. . .

"This job, it gives me purpose and makes me feel like what I do matters," said Annie.

You know what I hear in all of that? That we don't matter, that I'm not worth sticking it out with," said Ryan.

"That's not what I meant," said Annie knowing he wouldn't get where she was coming from.

As painful as it was for her to say and as much as she loved the man in front of her, she had a need to keep doing the job that cost her so much. Other wise what was the point of losing her family, friends and blurring the lines?

"If that is how you want to see it, I'm sorry. I never set out to hurt you," said Annie walking out of Ryan's arms.

"It's not everyday I ask a woman to marry me Annie. I've waited a very long time since I lost my wife,and I know you're scared because of everything you've been through, but what we have, it's too good to give up," said Ryan.

"I'm sorry Ryan, I'm not going to change my mind," said Annie.

She walked to her door and opened it. "Maybe the next gal won't take so long to come into your life," said Annie.

"I don't need another girl, I need you, I want us, I want you." He leaned in and put his arms around her and felt her melt into him, she cried into his chest for a minute before she slowed down. He felt her heaving and sobbing. It was the first time she broke down so uncontrollably.

When she stopped, she said, "Please just go."

"No, I'm not leaving you like this, you're scared of what to do, of something different and I get it," said Ryan.

"You need to go," said Annie collecting herself.

"I wish you well and I want you to do the same for me, please," said Annie.

She practically pushed him out her door, she had to close it before she let him convince her to choose him over Langley.

Annie went to work cleaning up the uneaten food. She wrapped the sandwiches up in plastic wrap, one for dinner and one for the office. She emptied the untouched soup into a glass container and set the dishes in the sink and ran the water until it became warm enough to wash with. It helped her to do these mundane tasks.

Next she went into the bathroom to freshen up her face and make up, she didn't want anyone to see that she had been crying. She brushed her hair out and took her phone out of the charger. She retrieved her car keys from her entry way table and walked out into the sunny day. Annie drove to Langley. When she entered her building and walked over the CIA seal she felt much better, like she made the right choice. She paused by the wall honoring those who died in service to the CIA. She was where she belonged, this was where the current brought her on that day.

/END


End file.
